The Coaching Tree
Counselor, Mentor, Coach: which hat to wear and when
Counselor
A person who helps students and families make decisions about their academic, career direction, and college education.
Mentor
A mentor is someone who shares their knowledge, skills, and/or experience, to help another to develop and grow.
Coach
A coach is someone who provides guidance to a client on their goals and helps them reach their full potential.
While Mentoring is directive, coaching is non-directive. In mentoring meetings, it is likely to be the mentor doing more of the talking, whereas in coaching it is likely to be the coach posing questions and giving the person they are coaching the space to reflect and do most of the talking. In every meeting with students and parents you have three choices: share information and let them make a decision, direct and give advice yourself, or, assist them to make their own decision and own it. When do you choose the latter, and why?
WHEN is Coaching the right tool?
Coaching can be a potent tool when we see a recurrent pattern of behavior that needs changing or if we come across any limiting self-belief. When we spot a coachable moment, it is time to take off the mentor hat and lead the student to go within. It can be spontaneous and a great opportunity to help the student learn from within.
How do we make the shift?
The segue from mentoring to the coaching needs the student to be receptive and to actively participate. Here, we move from guiding and advising as a mentor, to simply wanting to know. It could happen as follows.
“I notice you said ......... shall we look more at .........”
“I am picking up ......... from you and would like to look at this with you if that is ok.”
“Shall we explore ......... and see what comes out of it?"
What do we do when we coach?
We come from a space of non-judgment and also set clear boundaries of what can be shared with parents/guardians. We probe and listen deeply. Deep listening requires that we are completely present, without distractions. We do not start formulating the next question mentally, even as the first answer is on (something that I personally had to really work on to overcome). We ask clarifying questions to understand better – “Can you tell me more? What do you mean by....." We are alert and also watch out for body language. We use a coaching framework like the GROW Model, to structure the conversation. The table below gives a couple of examples of how the model works.
| GROW MODEL Scenario 1 Scenario 2 | ||||
| Goals : ASK what do we want to achieve? | Student says something. Probe and clarify till there is clarity on the goal. Why is it important to you? | Student has been faring poorly in Maths despite all the pep talk and tuitions | Student has rushed a submission, tends to procrastinate | |
| Reality : ASK where the is student currently? | Probe their answers further | Scoring 80% with average effort. | Missed a couple of submissions or turned in rushed work because it got delayed. | |
| Obstacles : ASK what comes in the way of achieving their goal? | Just probe and listen to see without drawing any conclusions. | What stops them from doing better in math? What are the challenges? | What is causing rushed work and missed submissions? | |
| Way Forward : What are the next steps? | How to support consistatly, ensure periodic updates and target delivery, gauge commitment, and ensure accountability? | What should they be doing differently to get a better math score? Get the student to list their desired actions down in an internally driven manner. | To complete quality work in time, what should they be doing differently? | The solution comes from them. The student should list it all down. |
After this session, we check-in as agreed. It keeps the student accountable and helps us gauge if we are on track or if another conversation is needed.
WHY do we coach?
Because sometimes, we KNOW that no amount of "telling" will work. Our students need to realize it for themselves and be accountable. We coach them to EMPOWER and give them increased agency over their actions.
As you finish reading this article
Watch the next 10 meetings you do with students, parents, and both students and parents, and review them from the perspective of coaching versus mentoring. Reflect carefully and realize how to handle similar situations differently in the future. Now ask yourself: How are you bringing coaching consciously into your counseling repertoire this month?
| COACHING MENTORING | |
| Is non directive | Is directive |
| Coach asks questions | Mentor shares experiences |
| Fosters self discovery | Provides guidance |
| Need not be a domain expert | Is a domain expert |
Hall of Fame
Shirshika Kapoor, City Montessori School Lucknow
Across the last 5+ years, with continuous effort, talking to admission officers, training workshops, and online research, I've built skillsets in aptitude testing, profile building, skill development, and study abroad and Indian college admissions. I'm excited about keeping up to date every month with Aiyyo's newsletter in the future. It's cool that our community has such a wonderful resource.
